Surviving abuse takes stamina. You have to be mentally and emotionally resilient,  physically strong, and spiritually powerful. The abuser tortures his chosen victim day in and day out —taunting the victim to fight back, pulling the rug from under them, setting the victim up for failure, removing resources of coping so that they will become mute and inutile.

The ones who come to see me speak of keeping their head down to survive or at least keep afloat. They fight a difficult battle because they fight against themselves and the perpetrators and all those who judge them. And through the fight, they develop a different psyche —often filled with mistrust, hate, powerlessness, even self-loathing.

The armor of hate is pervasive as it colors all their lives. While the deep hate helps keep them alive to survive the ordeal, it keeps them stuck and eaten inside. Once freed from the situation, they try to release themselves from the stench and work through forgiveness but all they feel is self-recrimination for having ‘participated in the abuse.’ That protective armor now becomes a barrier against healthy sex, peaceful and deep relationships. Healing becomes a lifelong process.

May the strong become pliant again so they can live.

*Image borrowed from Psychology Today