I hear it all the time. Grown women who are capable, able at their work are reduced to putty in the hands of their abuser. These women who command millions of advertising dollars, present to company boards, run nationwide programs are reduced to blubbering fools when their partners demand things from them. They bend backwards and twist their minds around what to do, squeeze as much time out of the day to do his bidding, become over solicitous and second guess themselves thinking that somehow, they will please the abuser and they can escape the pain.

But that doesn’t work. the game plan of the abuser is to gnaw at the confidence of their victim by blaming them for everything, putting them down in every way, and wielding their power at them –making their victim feel selfish for claiming their rights.

Anger is the best antidote against abuse. Anger is a statement of righteousness —that everyone has the innate right to be treated fairly, accorded value and respect. the first move is for the victim to admit to herself that she has been abused and that it is a traumatic experience. Then, the victim must seek solace and support from therapy in order that she reverse negative thoughts about herself. And, finally, to work towards realising that the situation is wrong and life can be good again by getting out of the situation. It is key to realise that it is the situation and NOT THE victim who needs to change.